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| Finding beauty in the bare and quiet. |
I belong to this ministry at my church called Grace Foster and Forever Families. It's amazing. The ladies I get to serve with are amazing. The meetings are amazing. The events we get to go to are amazing and the most recent one did not fall short. We were invited by the Orange County courts to celebrate National Adoption Day and it was held in the courts. One thing we as a group, who's hearts are tied to adoption, wanted these remarkable people to know was how grateful we are for the work they do in bringing children home to their forever families. (I've heard they don't get many thank you's.) They see so many disheartening stories and lives full of grief as they watch families separated indefinitely and sometimes permanently as they work through the trenches of lives gone in directions that were not meant to be. But then, depending on what part of the process they're involved in with the family and children, some also get to see and be a part of the amazing. They get to see lives filled back up with hope and promise as they finalize adoptions and watch orphans step out of unstable, questionable lives into stable, loving, forever families. And I'm sure when stories end like that, it gives them a sense of purpose in what they do and an answer to the question of "why do I do this again?" that they may ask themselves over and over otherwise. So we wanted those of them who don't get to, to hear some of the "happily ever afters". And so, we got to hear the hearts and hope of parents and kids share their stories in that courtroom and my heart was wrecked. In a good way. I sat and watched the joy, the gratefulness, the awe of incredible children turned incredible adults. I sat and watched a little boy get up and tell his story, not realizing the impact his simple words had on so many sitting in that room that day.
I sat and listened my face contorting and dripping. (I am so not a pretty or graceful crier. My tears don't just quietly tumble down, my whole face has to get into it.) And while I listened, suddenly my girls seemed so much more real to me. So much more tangible. More than ever. You would think just the opposite, right? Because they're a world away and still no face or name to give them. No silly mannerisms to know. No little quirks to decipher. But I sat there and they were so real. And I became elated that this was happening. That our family really would grow through adoption. But then, after it was all over, something else began to happen....I felt a sense of grief and remorse. It was like someone had handed them to me for me to see and touch and hear in that courtroom, but then as soon as I walked out it was like they were taken away from me. They weren't here yet. I don't know their face and name. I don't know their silly mannerisms and I can't decipher their little quirks. And the wait seemed soooo long. So much longer than it ever had.
So that's that. And when I came home and talked to Brad, I realized it's not just the mama that feels it. The daddy feels it, too. If there's one thing I can't wait for it's going to be watching Brad be a father to a little girl. A safe, trustworthy, dependable, loving father. I'm pretty sure I may fall in love with him all over again witnessing that. :)
And so this song, While I'm Waiting by John Waller. Since the beginning of our wait, this song has gotten me everytime. It talks about what to do while waiting. And I pray I live up to the lyrics of this song. Because although the waiting can seem torturous at times, just as faithful as our God is, He doesn't waste any of it and makes it something beautiful. Just like the hike we took, no matter where we turned that sunlight wouldn't quit filtering through the branches. And it could because there were no leaves there to stop its rays. So I'm taking this as a season to sit back, wait, and anticipate seeing the goodness of God shine through the bare and quiet.
Oh, and of course they played this song at church as part of the worship set this past Sunday. I guess He was just making sure I knew He understands and hears our hearts and that He's got this.
Click this link to hear the song.
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
