Our Roller Coaster Summer

This is such a long time in coming. And for so many of you who have been asking, praying, wondering, sending messages about our sweet girl, you have no idea how much it all means to us. There have been so many times during this process, especially after having been matched that I haven't been able to find the words to pray because there's been so many twists and turns, ups and downs but I knew that there were so many praying FOR us. There were many times when I didn't know what to do with what was being thrown at us. And just like the roller coaster pictured, this summer threw our family so many unexpected's, so many highs and lows and a huge, tremendous loss. And over the course of the summer, I thought I could see what God's plans were with the adoption delays that were coming our way, but then something else would come up and I would be baffled yet again. Just like a roller coaster ride, at times I felt like my emotions were so up and down and tangled. We'd come SO close, it would seem, and then bam, we'd head back down to where we were and sometimes it felt like even further back. I know that isn't the case at all because none of it was a surprise to God. He saw all the twists and turns, and ups and downs. And I am so trying to keep my gaze on Him and my heart on the knowledge that no matter how long it takes for us to get to her, that little girl belongs to us. We are her mommy and daddy. Jacob, Caleb, PeterJames, and Tobias are her brothers. Right now, our job is to wait and trust.

And so, with all that, listen to this dream I had about her! Our family and some other family friends were in a room, I'm not really sure why or what we were doing but there we were, and surprisingly enough no one was expecting her to come walking through the door holding hands with one of our friend's daughters. I knew who she was right away of course, and she looked so small but her big, brown eyes were wide-eyed and searching. I slowly went closer to her and she finally spotted me, and knew. And she came to me. She came to me. Willingly, she came. She lifted her arms high into the air to be picked up and I did. I scooped her up and held her tight to me and she held tight to my neck. And every bit of wondering when this would happen, every bit of anxiety and frustration came melting off my heart and shoulders, and I just wept. Then I woke up. :/ Besides being bummed that the dream hadn't been real, the first thing I thought was what a gift that was from God to experience that moment with her. He knows how close my heart feels to her and how strong the longing is to be with her but the reality of our distance can be draining. And even though it wasn't real, it FELT so real and I felt like He gave me a brief moment with my girl before I can actually scoop her up and hold her tight and tell her she's home for real and for good. All I could whisper as I was waking up was, "Thank You."

So here are some ways we'd love for you to enter in. Would you pray that the delays would cease? We learned once again that we are not going anywhere anytime soon....ish. (I have to add the "ish" because who knows what the Lord could do, right?) Pray that the Lord would stir in the hearts of every man and woman who lays their hands upon our girl's paperwork and that they would suddenly and strongly feel a sense of urgency that may not have been there before. Pray for her heart. Her foster mom has been showing her the pictures of our family that we sent to her in a photo book. She is seeing our faces and hearing the words, "Mama", "Daddy", and "big brothers". Pray that she would see and understand. I am hoping that her little fingers would touch our faces, inside that little book, with a sense of wonderment and awe, getting to know each one of us before our faces are there to touch for real. Pray that her heart begins to feel a sense of permanency coming for her and that she would rest in that feeling. Pray that she would begin to feel a desire to be home with us and that there would be no hesitation when we are there to come to us. That dream had a lot to do with what we've been told about her and her fear of strangers (to think that she will possibly look at us as strangers!). In reality, my dream is probably not how our meeting will look, and she will most likely be very hesitant and afraid. But one can dream, right?! :)

Again, thank you for your prayers. We treasure them!