Trusting and Anticipating

When you don't move the mountains
I've needed you to move,
When you don't part the waters
I wish I could walk through,
When you don't give the answers
as I cry out to you,
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.

I've been thinking so much about these words from a song recently. It seemed like forever was taking place before we could get our family matched with a child and now - look at us! Here we are making plans and sending out paperwork, which, by the way, has arrived in Poland as of a couple of days ago - our hearts right there laid out on paper, our wish list with one single thing on it - our little girl. Sometimes when your prayers finally are answered you realize, well, I realize how firmly and securely the Lord was holding my hand through everyday. Everyday. I say that because there hasn't been a single day where that little girl has not been thought about, prayed over, wondered about. There was not a single day before being matched that the question of "when?" was not lifted up, or fearing that an actual adoption may never take place because of life obstacles; not a single day.

But everyday, He never let go of our hands, knowing that He was leading us to the best, most perfect present ever. He knew her face, her name, what she looked like even before we made the decision to adopt, and He knew the ride He was going to take us on to get us to her.  Like being a child in the car, your Daddy strapping you in, telling you you're going on a surprise trip, but not revealing what's waiting at the destination. But you can sit back knowing that, because you can trust your Daddy, wherever He was bringing you it was going to be amazing. So the excitement grows in your heart, and you start wondering what it's going to be like, what you'll see, what you'll feel. I wonder if God is just as excited, looking back in the rearview mirror saying, "I know it's taking a while to get there, but hang on. I know you're gonna LOVE this." The best, most perfect present ever. I'm thinking a whole lot of us can relate even if it's not an adoption you're going through.

However, on the other side of my prayers, our answer was being born - right about the same time Tobias was being born. Our answer was being guided away from danger and into safety. Our answer was learning how to eat, and walk and talk and play. Our God was moving mountains, and He was parting waters, and He was listening to every prayer. God had His eyes on her and on us all at the same time, knowing that one day we'd fuse and become a family.

And if you happen to mention her name to me or want to daydream with me about the growth of our family and how that's happening, don't expect any dry eyes! Oh my goodness, can I tell you the emotions that are brought up when these conversations happen?! I don't ever remember crying and fussing over the anticipation of one of my boys being born from my body! And I loved being pregnant and looking forward to meeting the little person growing inside. This just seems so different. Maybe it's because I know she's already here, waiting for us? I know now what it's like to hold my babies, and knowing that one of my babies is half way around the world waiting to be held and be loved is excruciating! Can I say that again? Excruciating. But we'll make it through. Because just like the 4 years behind us (we started this process in May of 2012), I know, that I know, that I know His hand will be in mine the whole way....right into Poland!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation
The rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There's not a place where I'll go
You've not already stood

Here's that song.