Changes

So you would think in an adoption blog, that the title of this post would mean the changes that are coming to our family. A little girl into a family of boys. A child with needs into a family that has essentially no physical handicaps or needs. A mommy/daughter relationship that is about to ensue and a little girl getting to know the unconditional, amazing, and safe love of a daddy.

Well yes, that's going to happen. But no, that's not what this post is about.

Y'all, (I have friends from the south so I'm assuming I can gain custody of that phrase for a bit) I did not know what lurked deep inside me like I know now - this past week especially. I have received vague messages and lack of answers and I've conjured up more why's and what-the-heck's and everything in between. Just everything. And it all came out. My frustration with it all.  And it wasn't pretty. I found myself actually stopping my arm before it threw my phone across the room. I have slammed more cabinet doors than I would like to admit. I have been short with my kids. My mind has been elsewhere. Else. Where. Totally gone. I could be in the middle of a conversation and the grievance of what is happening and not getting to my girl quick enough will grab hold of my mind and I will have to stop the hot tears of injustice before they come tumbling out onto an unsuspecting friend or family member and what was a seemingly pleasant conversation.

I never thought I had anger issues. I don't think I do now (I think it's more like the heart of a mom wanting to grab hold of my much too far away for much too long daughter), but I often wonder, is this what Holy anger feels like? If it is, I'm pretty sure, if He had one, Jesus wouldn't have thrown his phone up against the wall. (I didn't, btw!) :)

But the Holy Spirit. Oh man, thank You Jesus for the Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit that would swoop in and remind me that I am changed and that HE changes circumstances. Even though this may not seem fair and even though we wanted our girl home months ago, He beckons me to seek Him. He changes circumstances. He changes my heart and He changes what I can SEE in our circumstances. Just as a photographer can change the look, feel, and focus of a scene unfolding before their eyes with a turn of their camera lens, He can change the way I see everything that seemingly doesn't make sense by turning my heart and mind to be refocused on Him. And I picture Him, in the heat of my anger over our separation, grabbing hold of my stubborn minded, this is not fair, pouty face and saying "Look at ME. Look for ME. When everything around you doesn't make sense, girl, look for ME. You can't stop living and loving and TRUSTING. I AM so much bigger."

Because I know if I did stop living and loving and trusting, the enemy would have had his way. But just like I know the outcome of this life, that this is not my home, that this place is not my forever, that my eternity is promised to be in the presence of my King, I know the outcome of this adoption. I know that girl is a Sahlstrom. She bears our name in our hearts without it being written on a piece of paper. She is going to teach us new and wondrous things about being a family that we had no idea existed.

And delayed paperwork cannot change that.

Guys, we're waiting on dates to travel from her region, for a judge to stamp his seal of approval and make our girl, our daughter and sister. Paperwork has been sitting for the past ten weeks, unable to be acted upon until they are pulled up and we get the call to, "Come". This is not a normal wait time to receive dates and nobody I talk to can figure out why we're not hearing anything or there seems to be very little response when attempts to connect, or get answers, have been made.

All I'm asking for right now is prayer. Just pray hard that we would get dates and that even though it looks like we may not be united with her until after the holidays, can you pray that there would be a chance we would all be together for Christmas? Can you pray that these circumstances would be changed while He is changing our view of these circumstances?

It's crazy how much you can miss someone you've never even met before, but I can tell you firsthand that it is!

Thank you, friends! Your love and prayers for our family is overwhelming and cherished.